There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
