Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude. I can hear the air.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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