You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
