Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
