You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
