i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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