I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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