I got chris browned last night
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
