i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I checked into jail on foursquare
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
