God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
