Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
