The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
