I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
