After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
