do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
