I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
