It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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