Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
