I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
