i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
soo... how was my night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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