We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
