We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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