Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
