I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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