I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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