The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
