wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Welp...herpes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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