so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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