ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
there is glitter all over my balls
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