wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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