Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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