I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
