i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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