the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
