I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
