She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
