I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
