I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
