I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
