btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
