Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
