im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
