I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
