Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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