is your mom at the bar?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
