walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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