i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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