she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
