Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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