I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
